At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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