Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
