if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
