u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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