just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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