smell my finger.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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