The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
