i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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