Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
