You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
