He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
