yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Are we still banned from the library?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
