Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
