First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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