when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
