I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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