I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
