Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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