Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
