went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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