I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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