I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
