you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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