I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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