Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
