so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
