All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You are the jesus of drinking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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