I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
