I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
