dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How's work?
Spinning.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
