I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
