me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
