let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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