I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
