so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the condom got lost in my hair
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
