How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
