then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
