i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
