Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
