ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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