My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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