I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
