believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
