I cannot find my penis.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
