Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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