Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
