Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
