U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
