Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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