i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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