A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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