You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
